How Can I Tell If My Teenager is Struggling? A parent’s guide.
As a psychologist specialising in adolescent mental health, I spend all day in the brains of teenagers and their often very worried parents and carers. One of the most common dilemmas posed by parents is the difference between normal adolescent behaviour and mental ill health. How do I know when to call in outside help?
It’s a hard one to answer because as most parents would know, adolescent angst can come in so many different and rapidly changing forms. And, the truth is puberty and mental health issues do overlap, so sometimes it’s both. But there are some markers that help us to identify what’s what. And, the good news is that parents are experts on their own children, so likely you will instinctively know the answers.
So here’s my top four areas of questioning to help guide parents thinking in this area. Remember, this is a guide only and should be used alongside a healthy amount of reasoning.
Is what you’ve noticed, a marked difference from their normal? For example, what’s their general disposition? Are they introverted or extroverted by nature? Have they always been slow-to-warm or very self-motivated/driven? Does what you’re concerned about now show a definite change, that is sustained over time?
Is the behaviour happening across contexts? For example, they might not want to hang out you guys as much anymore (parents are lame!), but do they also not want to see their friends? Are they no longer interested in the sport that they have always loved?
Are there sudden changes in the basics like sleep, appetite, and weight? Adolescence is a time of rapid growth – they should be craving sleep/hard to wake, eating you out of house and home and gaining weight as they grow taller than you. Think of the birth chart in the little blue book, they should be following their growth curves.
Are you seeing expressions of distress or behaviours that appear out of proportion relative to other teenagers? Most parents fall into the trap of trying to compare against an adult norm. Instead, think of their older siblings, or older children you know - were they doing this when they were 14yrs old too? Would they have reacted the same way to a similar situation?
If you’re coming up with some yes answers to the above questions, then it might be time to have a check in with your teenager and have a chat. After that, visit a GP, and they can have a chat with you about your concerns and if warranted direct you to the right places.
Until next time,
Courtney
